Hi, I'm Gary.  Lately the most common question I get from friends and family is "how'd you get into shape?" replacing "what's the best way to smuggle breadsticks from the Olive Garden?" (baggy clothing and distractions).  So I made this website, because I'm just a regular guy, not a natural athlete or someone with an iron will.  If I can do it, you probably can too.

I was a chubby kid, with a healthy appetite and love of junk food, but was active and only (“only”) ever maybe twenty or thirty pounds overweight.  By the middle of high school, I had ballooned up to 300 lbs.  I may be prone to chubbiness but there was nothing natural about my weight.  Suffice it to say things weren't going great for me at home and I used eating as a coping/numbing mechanism, and was thoroughly addicted to food.  Recognizing that my weight gain was partly an emotional issue for me has helped me maintain my weight loss.

Obviously I was teased a lot, but I was generally pretty happy-go-lucky.   I had great friends and hobbies that I loved.  It just so happens that my hobbies, namely gaming, reading, and drawing, were all in the mental sphere and I was content to live life there, with a dysfunctional body that I ultimately found fairly irrelevant.  I could spend hours tweaking my role-playing game character’s stats and yes, rest assured, the irony of doing that in a body that would need a short break in the middle of a flight of stairs WAS lost on me. This disconnect between the mental and the physical is a common fallacy I see in the nerdy subcultures I love, and it frustrates me every time.  The link between health and mental faculties is undeniable, and to willingly neglect such a major part of your well-being is short-sighted.

My first two years of college were tough.  While the material was interesting, I was mostly unfulfilled and bored, and was really starting to feel the sting of my weight holding me back from the social life I wanted. My first major turning point was at 20. I was taking a year off from college, living with close friends, starting my career as a professional poker player and having a blast.  Getting more healthy emotionally and mentally was a prerequisite for me successfully addressing my physical health.  Everything else was awesome but I still had a gnawing in the gut, that, as great as everything was, I didn’t feel complete neglecting my body and health.  9 times out of 10, I’d quiet this gnawing with some combination of denial, Chili Cheese Fritos and/or Regular Fritos, but eventually I couldn't stifle it anymore.  Like all 20 year olds, I felt invincible, and knew I would do it “someday.”  Sure I was over 300 lbs, but I was still pretty normal, right?  Then I went on a family vacation to India, and was surprised at how everyone immediately knew I was American.  At first I assumed it was the comically oversized cowboy hat I refused to take off (kidding), but no, it was the comically oversized me.  I was double the size of the average person there. 

It took being removed from my bubble to see myself for what I really was.  Obesity was so normal in my country, social groups, and subcultures, that I could always find someone bigger and convince myself I was just a bit chubby.  But I had to face the reality that I was seriously compromising my quality of life and health, and that things would only get harder to fix the longer I waited.  India is an amazing place, but the poverty is jarring and more visible than it was back home.  It stirred a sense that I was squandering opportunity.  I want to be clear that I was not ashamed of being fat, and don’t think fat people should feel ashamed.  I was a child when I let my health spiral out of control and am not going to blame a child for making poor choices in a predatory consumer society where overconsumption is encouraged and outright engineered.  But with the perspective I had at the time, I knew if I didn't tackle my weight then I would be letting myself down.  Friends and family always wanted me to slim down, and constantly reminded me of that, but it wasn't until I truly wanted it for myself that I did it.

I am about to chronicle the start of my fitness journey.  I want to stress that this is what I did at the time, with the limited knowledge I had, not what anyone else can or should do.  If I knew then what I know now, I would do things differently. That's what the Get Fit section of this website addresses. And if I had followed that path in the first place, I would have reached my goals much sooner and with less struggle.  That said, here’s my honest account. 

I was puttering around on an online gaming forum, wasting the prime of my life, you know, the usual, when I found an account of a guy roughly my age and weight who lost 100 pounds on the Medifast diet, an extremely low calorie meal replacement plan.  Well then, I thought, works for me.  One of my main hobbies has always been strategy games and I like to maximize everything I do.  If I want something, I want it NOW, which of course was part of the reason I was fat.  I wanted instant results and an easy to follow plan, and I was under the impression that trying to just eat healthy and exercise was ineffective.  I thought I had to follow some strict medical regimen, partly due to the multi-billion dollar diet industry with a vested interest in making us believe dieting and fitness is some arcane wizardry that you always need help with.  That notion is absurd, and it’s outrageous that schools don’t teach kids the basics of nutrition (or at least they didn't when I was growing up).

But that’s where I was, and at that point in my life I needed something extreme.  My highest weight was over 300 in high school, but I had settled at around 280-290 after my first two years of college by virtue of walking around campus.  A few months prior I had switched to diet soda and lost another 10 pounds, so I started Medifast at about 270.  The plan for men called for 5 shakes a day and one small meal of lean meat and vegetables.  Instead, I opted for 5 of the women’s shakes a day and no meal, for a laughable total of 500 calories a day and 55 grams of protein. No one should EVER go this low.  About twice a week or so I would have a cheat meal, like a whole pizza or something, so I would estimate my real daily intake averaged about 1200 calories a day. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.  It was obviously not ideal or sustainable, and, as you'll see, I did end up putting a lot of the lost weight back on.  But I do think ‘crash’ or extreme diets (though not this extreme) have merit, in extremely controlled and short-term bursts.  Not for long-term maintenance of a healthy weight, but if you are extremely unhealthy like I was, draped in over 100 lbs of excess fat, then extreme diets can be a useful tool.  No, they aren't sustainable.  Neither are antibiotics and 12 hours of sleep, but that's what you need when you have the flu and need to fix it.  I want to stress again that this wasn't ideal, and if I was programming a robot to lose weight (which begs the question of how and why an automaton became overweight in the first place, but sadly that’s outside the scope of this website), I would use a much more moderate calorie deficit, but, as a snot-nosed, entitled kid with a short attention span, I had tried and failed with that approach dozens if not hundreds of times.  If I knew then what I know now, could I succeed with a more sensible approach and would it ultimately lead me to my goals more quickly? Absolutely. But I didn't then, and this is my story, warts and all.

I lost about 60 lbs in two months with no exercise.  The shocking thing was I felt AMAZING, better than I ever had before.  I woke up every day full of energy, spurred on by my rapid progress, and no longer being made sick by mounds of toxic, overly processed “food."  One of the benefits was it truly reformed my relationship with food.  Eating was always a source of pleasure and shame, but for the first time I was viewing food as fuel.  And on those not-especially-rare occasions where I did eat some pizza or other high-calorie dish, it was guilt free because I knew it was just a minor bump on the road to my goals.  Again, I am not recommending anyone else necessarily do this, and definitely not this extreme, but the complete reset of my taste buds and the rapid progress is just what I needed at the time.  If I could do it again, I would do a similar plan but more along the lines of 1500-1800 calories a day with 150-180 grams of protein, as I lost a lot of muscle that took a long time to regain.

After another 6 weeks or so I lost 20 more lbs and went back to college at about 190.  Then I cut down to about 155 after 3 more months of eating about 1600-1800 calories a day and tons of cardio.  In retrospect I should have been eating slightly more calories and a lot more protein.  I would eat whatever, including junk food, as long as I counted calories.  Sometimes people think counting calories is an all-consuming endeavor, but I just spent 5-10 minutes a day logging everything I ate for a week or two, and ever since then I've been able ballpark whatever I eat.  As for the cardio, I was misinformed about lifting weights and assumed it would make me bulky when I just wanted to be “toned.” My misinformation makes me cringe now, but it is what it is. I was a healthy weight, and I loved it.  Cardio can get tedious and isn’t strictly necessary for weight loss (though it is for optimal overall health), but those sessions on the elliptical were honestly euphoric.  Maybe that sounds insane, but having a functional body capable of even the most basic forms of exercise was so new to me and I instantly fell in love with it.  I’m sure my doughy butt looked like a real delight plodding along on the elliptical in a herky jerky, staccato manner topped only by the 2 times I year I attempt to dance, but I felt like Usain Bolt out there, so I stuck with it and still incorporate to this day, in the context of a more well-rounded workout.

Eventually though, I realized cardio alone wouldn’t give me the body I wanted.  I never set out to be muscular, but wanted to fill out my skinny frame, especially since I did have some loose skin issues.  I had surgery to deal with the loose skin on my stomach and that was the majority of it, but I still had a bit on my chest and limbs.  Also, I was getting sick of eating peckishly, since l love food, and realized if I had more muscle I could eat more without gaining fat.  Today, lifting for me is a perfect mix of self-improvement, meditation, and genuine fun, but when I started lifting it was extremely intimidating.  I felt awkward and out of place in my college gym with jacked dudes everywhere, but I stuck with it because the science was so clear about the benefits, and, as a lifelong fan of comic books and sports, feeling strong was intoxicating.  If it's not obvious by now, I was never a jock or competitive athlete growing up, but that actually worked to my benefit.  If I had to pinpoint one reason I’ve been successful at going from fat to skinny to fit, it would be that I approached it with an “empty cup” mentality.  I had no preconceived notions and just listened to people smarter and more experienced than me.  No, my approach wasn’t perfect, but it was right enough often enough that, despite many false starts and setbacks, I made enough progress that eventually I was spurred on to become an expert on what works for me and my body, and eventually, all bodies.

Over the next few years, my eating habits gradually trended worse and worse for the usual reasons of getting complacent, getting into a relationship and eating out more often, and being less active post-college, and I got on the dreaded diet yo-yo cycle, fluctuating between 170 and 220 lbs.  Typing that out, that really is a huge range, but it was all so gradual that I fooled myself into thinking it was no big deal.  I was definitely falling back into some emotional eating and was eating generally unhealthy food.  I would change diets every few weeks, from low carb back to just low calorie etc. etc. etc., and had hundreds of “last cheat meals.” Seriously, if I had a nickel for every "last cheat meal/day" I'd be rich and not have to enter the extremely lucrative world of ad-free blogging.  And I'd bet that you, if you are currently struggling or have struggled with losing weight, are nodding along right now.  We've all been there, and I'm sorry to tell you, but no, the addictive dopamine rush that comes from unhealthy food is NOT easy to kick.  I wish I could tell you I have an iron will and instantly accomplish whatever I set my mind to, but that's not me.  Honestly, and this is embarrassing to admit, but I've been procrastinating on starting this website for three years.  But that's exactly why I know it will have value to you.  I'm just a regular guy who had enough small bursts of motivation that eventually snowballed into drastic change.  If I can do it, anyone can.

During this period that I had regained a lot of weight, I was fixated on it more than was healthy. But it wasn't all self-loathing and worry, I did and do find this stuff so interesting and loved using my body as an experiment.  Thankfully, I always kept lifting.  Even when I was unhappy and even when I was eating my worst, we’re talking McDondald's, beer, and chips practically every day, I kept lifting.  After a few years it just became a habit like brushing my teeth, and I never took more than one month off.  Lifting was the easy part, dieting is hard but it felt good to know that even when my diet and weight were spiraling out of control, I could do SOMETHING good for my body.  It’s not all or nothing.

So at that point, 5 years after I had lost about 150 pounds, I had put back on almost half of that in a combination of muscle and fat and settled into a sort of fat-strong groove, where I was lifting but eating terribly, and topped out at about 220.  I definitely looked better than I did the last time I was over 200, but was carrying 30-40 lbs more fat than I needed, and was unhappy with the way I looked in the mirror for the first time in years.  Around this time, I went to art school, as drawing had always been a passion of mine and I was in a position where I could indulge it.  It stressed classic drawing in the Renaissance style, which meant drawing from live models and studying anatomy.  We drew people of all shapes and sizes but they trended toward fit and athletic.  Seeing these amazing bodies in motion and studying the underlying anatomy and musculature, with its inherent flowing beauty and dynamic action, inspired me in a new way and something finally clicked.  I mean, like most people, I always vaguely liked the idea of being "fit", but that was never motivating enough to really put in the work.  But being exposed to this made me want an athletic body for fully internal reasons, for the first time.  I wasn't doing it to impress people, or to ease the worries of my family, but just as a form of expression and art.  Looking back, this was the period that I completely transitioned from negative to positive motivation, from running away from something to running to something, and that's what has made my commitment to fitness fully sustainable.

Over the next few years I went from this:

to this:

and have maintained it for 5 years and counting.  No drugs, no illegal substances, and far from a perfect diet.  I still struggled with lapses in motivation, but by never letting a bad week or month turn into a bad 6 months, I eventually got to where I am now, which is a level I'm happy with and is sustainable.  I switched from a pure strength based lifting program to one that also incorporated higher rep style training, and found that it gave me the rush and endorphins of cardio with those blissful moments of pure intensity and mindfulness that come from lifting heavy metal objects.  If you don't know or care what that last sentence means it's cool, the takeaway is: find what works for you and what you love. And for me, these intense workouts that left me wobbly and shaking were what I craved.  Not something I would have ever thought about myself even 5 years ago, but here we are.  Maybe in 5 years I'll be a swimmer or elite Jazzerciser, who knows, there's no one true path to fitness.

As far as nutrition, I stick with the basics of keeping calories in check (which does not mean low, these days I average around 2600 calories/day) and keeping protein high.  That's 95% of it right there, don't be misled.  One of the biggest breakthroughs for me was when I learned about intermittent fasting, the basics of which are eating within a certain window, usually 8 hours.  For me, it was more like basically just skipping breakfast, but the far more important impact of finding out about this way of eating was just opening up my mind to other ways of eating and fitness than the traditional and outdated dogma of "eat 3 regular meals or 6 small meals a day."  Again, the particulars aren't important, I just use this to illustrate the keys to my progress: customization and sustainability.  I took this as a much-needed cue to step back from the minutiae of the millions of different diets and exercise regimes out there, and stifled my gamer tendency to try and make everything as efficient as possible, because, despite what every guru claims, no one knows everything and ultimately, finding a plan that works for you is what's important.  Because at the end of the day, a "perfect" plan that you only stick to 70% of the time is going to do you far less good than a plan that is less than perfect but sustainable for you.  We're not bodybuilders and fitness models here, we're just regular folks. It reminded me to stop obsessing about the trees and worry about the forest, namely working out, eating nutritious food, and adjusting calories as needed depending on your weight, activity level and body composition goals.

So that’s where I'm at now.  I'm a certified personal trainer and have helped clients and friends lose hundreds of pounds.  I have a healthy, guilt-free relationship with food, including indulging in less-healthy food several times a week.  Exercise is not something I dread or put up with; it’s a passion and a chance to express my dedication and creativity.  Fitness is not the sole focus of my life, I work out about 5 hours a week, leaving plenty of time for everything else. The positive effects on my confidence, mental clarity, and quality of life are impossible to overstate, and perhaps the greatest gain has nothing to do with the gym: it's a sense of empowerment and learned patterns of success I've applied to other aspects of my life.  And I’d feel guilty and wasteful if I didn’t share my experiences, because stories like mine are what I needed when I was starting out, misinformed and intimidated.  I’m not some specimen of great genetics, nor do I possess an iron will, I’m not a lifelong athlete, and I've never touched a steroid.  I’m a normal guy who’s been there and learned what works for me through trial and error.  I can’t want it for you, but if you want it, I can help you find what works for you.